a wider view

It's blind to think that another person can show you the light. You have to see it.
I'm seeing more and more of my mother in me every day now that i'm actually in a realationship. I'm seeing more and more of why my dad could never take being with her. She sweat the small stuff constantly. And that's what i've been doing.
I'm a person who has always thought that I see the big picture in so many cases and that my view of things was so wide... that's why I don't hate people, or fight with people or get into many bad situations..I get along with almost everyone because I don't let petty things bother me. But once I got into a relationship, I found myself letting everything bother me. Why was I doing this? Was I trying to push away the first real good thing that I've ever experienced? Was I trying to keep the one thing that I've always wanted from coming in so that I could never lose it? Was I trying to destruct a potentially more than incredible relationship in exchange for my daily ritual of let downs? Whatever I was trying to do, I must stop doing it. I must and I will. Because this man who lays beside me time and time again and says to me, "silly girl.. stop it." is right. I'm being a very silly, foolish girl. And there's no choice I'll settle for but to stop. I won't live my life like my mother. I just won't. I've seen how destructive it is and how little it works. I have to keep my mind open to the big picture only... to what matters, and let the rest go. Let it GO. Only then will I ever be truly successful in relationships, and truly at peace with my mind.
I'm so glad that I'm realizing all of these things. And I'm so glad that I've found an amazing person who understands why and what I'm doing. But now is not the time to be thankful, now is the time to actually show my gratitude and make a change for myself and my future.

"No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide." - Chuch Palaniuck, Fight Club.