some days i wish i could fly

the sky felt so far away today, as if there were no way of actually grasping it's magnitude, beauty, wonder. it felt as though it's size overwhelmed the ability to comprehend that something as small and large as the human heart could fit in the same world. but looking up made me feel closer to those who are so far away right now because i know the same sky reaches them, like a blanket big enough to comfort us all when we're cold.
the funny thing is that when you try to break the sky down into something small enough to hold in your hand, it can't be done. kind of like love, or humanity, or freedom, or repression. so you learn to fly across and through it, experiencing it like a bird, rather than killing it like a hunter.
i'm such a hunter sometimes though. hah. i mean look at me, typing away as fast as i can, trying to grasp some kind of fleeting feeling that eats away at me.
i really miss my friends. i'm having a good time here. but i miss my friends so much. and when i look up at the sky and think about living like a bird, i can't help but recognize that they fly together.

last night brian walked me home from his appartment and we stopped and just lied out on grass and looked up at the stars and talked. just sitting there it was kind of unspoken (before i spoke it, hah) how incredible it is that human nature begs for people to feel connected. we go to immeasurable heights just to reach that goal, that togetherness, that sense and feeling inside that our lives are more meaningful because they've been shared and understood.

i guess i kind of feel broken hearted because god, i am so in love with the people who have been in my life thus far. i am so in love with jodi and kathleen and micayla and judy and danielle and mike and ryan and lindsay and my mother and my father and my brother and the people who made my everyday life just mean more because i could share it with them. and the truth is, it hurts to be away from those people. i know that love still thrives, but it's crazy how much i feel like this huge hole is inside me without them around to just see what great lives they're living. i mean, i am SO thankful for beautiful technology like the internet that helps us stay connected and updated... and i wouldn't want my friends to be any other places.. because i know they're living the best they could be. they're making such amazing things out of their lives.. but GOOD LORD! haha.. it's so crazy to go from having the most incredible people on this planet in your everyday life, all the time... to well, just not spending that time together.

i smile when i cry about it because it's such a beautiful pain to feel. to love someone so much that you cry when you're not together.


and i want to go to college perk! that place was a second home! i'm going to have to make mikey pick me up and drive me there. haha. music has been a very close friend lately.


ah, well.. i've got a heavy load of work to do.

what a strange world it is. what a funny feeling it is to feel so much.

a little piece of rachael art::
because the world is ever changing... and we don't always know where the circle really ends... or if it even does.