there's some great sense of fulfillment in walking away from something you love... and also a great sense of sadness.

i feel like from all of this i have so much to take with me. like there's so much i've gained.. but it just doesn't make it easy. and i can't put my finger on what exactly i've gathered.

is it possible for everything to come together and fall apart simultaniously? this whole process takes a toll on me to say the least... not to mention graduation creeps inevitably as another factor to the madness.

i've been short of my own words lately.. these emotions are difficult to put into coherent sentence structured blogness.

his cds make me cry. but i'm glad i have them. and i'm glad i didn't toss them out the window the other day like i wanted to in that heat of the moment. haha.

i'm writing this just to write it. because i'm on the brink of breaking down and building up and it's just strange and beautiful and scarry and confusing. espcially after last nights intoxicated actions. they just heighten my state of mishap.

funny, the only reason i'm not going crazy is my trust in the near future's kick-ass-ness.

i'll leave some appropriate song lyrics.


"Fall Fall Fall" - Razorlight

Midnight’s calling
Are you close behind?
Midnight’s calling
Are you close behind?

Trees without leaves and notes that don’t ring
Wine left to rot and a voice that can’t sing
And hours of making love in silence
And a light that just won’t shine in the darkness

Could I be any clearer?
Could I speak any plainer?-
I need you hereJust to lead my way
And fall, fall, fall

She scolded me for my sinful and wicked ways
Towered above me – do you follow?
And watched with concealed pleasure
As I ripped out my heart and said
I’m just bad, I can’t help it
But I tr-tr-tr-try to be good

And trees without leaves and notes that don’t ring
Wine left to rot and a voice that can’t sing
And hours of making love in silence
And a light that just won’t shine in the darkness

Could I be any clearer?
Well could I speak any plainer?-
I need you here
Just to lead my way
And fall, fall, fall'

Cause people make you lonely


what a strange void that exists regardless of all the fullness in my life. what a strange and forlorn longing.

well it is a beautiful day. and i've been outside enjoying it for what it is.
have a good one.