good news

so i've got some good news of my own, in a way. this past week or so i've been in a super rut. and a week is a long ass time for me. haha. but yeah. with everything kind of piling up at once and not being able to see any answers or secondary solutions for anything, it was all getting to be a monsterous messy maze in my mind. (i couldn't resist) and then last night i was talking to my mom and we decided that i needed to call northeastern again and see if there is anyy way that i can start in the fall. as full time just living off campus, or as part time living off campus. and i'm waiting for someone else to call me back. but it just felt really good to do something different than what i've been doing (nothing). so we'll see if this works. if not, i might try to move in somewhere off campus anyway and just get a job for the first semester waiting tables. my parents are in favor of it and i think it's less of a dramatic change than going to one university then meeting all tehse people then moving away again and yadda yadda yadda. so we're gonna see what we can do. explore the options. it was good that my mom and i talked because she helped me realize there are still more options, when i had given up.

it's really important to be proactive. if you haven't accepted something internally, don't accept it! don't just stop! unless there is no other solution (ie, someone dies). sometimes we becomes so hurt or complacent with results that we fail to push for new ones... but i really don't wnat to do that anymore. proactivity (is that a word?) is risky because we commit ourselves and invest our hope, but without it we get no where and we remain stuck in a rut. i'm just glad i'm trying new options. and i'm going to continue to try NEW outlets if these don't work.

i've felt very stuck for the past week or so, and me of all people, i mean, i believe that we're never stuck.. that there's always another option. i think there's just been so many different things worrying me that i became paralized with whatever this emotion is. anxity, pain.. something of the sort. BUT good news is i'm taking steps to get out. ie, calling northeastern... and i'm also going to go visit towson if i don't decide to go to boston in the fall.. because college has just been one big distant worry. and that's no good. i'm also going to start talking to a counsoler about my family, parents, friends, life, self. all that. because i need to hear a different voice. i need to get some new strategies so i can enjoy my parents for the last bit im here for. and so i can deal with the things i've carried with me for too long.

what else? good news... .the picture thing works so much easier on this computer! yay for macs! haha.

alright, that's good. i want to hear more people's good news. or bad news for that matter. talk to me.

love-