honesty
...is hard for people to handle, so i see.
the purpose of my last blog was to practice what i preech. i really do believe that by being open with our mishaps in life, by not feeling ashamed, or afraid to admit them, or worried what others will think of them, we can actually deal with them.
i mean really, so much time, effort and stress is spent on worrying ourselves with how someone will react to some shitty situation we've been in or experienced. but that seems so counter-productive to me. if we have to WORRY what someone thinks about our mishaps, as well as actually EXPERIENCE our mishaps... that's double the stress of it all. but if we can just be open and trust that people will come around and be compassionate and understanding, such a weight is lifted... and there's nothing left but to actually deal with the problem. so much worry is taken off of our shoulders that there's room to work through things. AND half of the time, just being honest about things alleviates the situation in whole.
now there's the flip side of the situation...'but people really WOULDN'T understand or want to be compassionate about my mishaps'.
and i have three responses to that:
1-if we want to, we can change our lives. we can change our friends and our attitudes and our futures.
2-the way i deal with my life may not work for everyone. and i know that. but i do believe that if you want it to, it can work for you.
3-it is on US to not only be the ones to rely on others compassion and understanding, but to provide it as well.
if i had bottled up losing my virginity, and tried to hide it from people, and not talk about it so that no one would know... it would still be bothering me right now, because i would have never made the space to actually deal with the issue... i would have been using too much effort trying to hide it.
i feel like so many of our problems in life don't have to be problems at all if we just allow ourselves to be open and honest about them. if we never give someone else the chance to understand they never will. if we don't want to understand others, we never will.
posted by Rachael @ 13.6.05
7 comments
7 Comments:
A 3 point rebuttal if I may. If this is over the top and too much, then you had better be honest and tell me. Honesty has to be on all matters, not just the big ones that were going to be bottled up, or else it's not honesty.
Right, the rebuttals, not in any order.
"the way i deal with my life may not work for everyone. and i know that. but i do believe that if you want it to, it can work for you."
That's contradictory right there. Second sentence implies that it can indeed work for everyone.
"it is on US to not only be the ones to rely on others compassion and understanding, but to provide it as well."
Natural human tendency is to not do that at all. Loving someone means you can get hurt (and I don't mean romantically). There's no garuntee, no matter how much you try, that the people won't hurt you back.
"if we want to, we can change our lives. we can change our friends and our attitudes and our futures."
You have just said the following: The sum of your future is your fault. Wherever you are in 10 years, that was entirely because you did not change your own life. This is a great ego booster if you end up somewhere great in 10 years, but not such a good thing if you don't. Now true, I don't like the idea of "Life is not your fault" that so pervades our modern culture (see: Teen Pregnancy, Crime Rates, etc), however I sure don't like this statement at all. Do you really want the responsibility of ensuring your life turns out well on your shoulders? Then again, what other choice is there, in a secular mindset?
And why does/did/would have losing your virginity bother you? Given your mindset and belief system, there shouldn't be any reason, neh? And yet.
oh tim, you are an honest one. i love it.
i'll just have to rebut your rebuttals.
first... by saying that it might not work for everyone, but it can if you want it to.. i'm trying to provide some kind of hope. and yes, of course hurt exists. i've been hurt many times... but if we TRIED to be more compassionate, sometimes positivity can be contagious. and yes, i believe life is in our hands. that's just the way it works for me to see it.
thanks for contributing. you're awesome for it. no matter how much we disagree. i'm glad you believe in something.
People tend to make life more difficult than it really is.
haha... aint that the truth. it's funny, what seems difficult for some is easy for others. our lives are oh so realitive.
rach i love the way you express yourself. you're fearless! and i dont care how or when or with whatever language, because whenever you say "THIS IS ME AND THESE ARE MY FEELINGS!" i want to do you on the spot. in a non-lesbian, "we're only sleeping in the same bed because we're best friends" type of way. i think this is the first time i've ever commented on your blog. i just wanted to remind everyone ELSE of the beauty of raw emotions put to poetry. and the fact that they aren't wrong or right. they're just honest. sol*
oh kathleen, now that i'm not a virgin, i'll have sex with you anytime! hahah.. ;) thanks girl. forever and a day.
man.. life is totally in our hands, and i'm so glad kathleen commented because that one made me laugh a whole lot! i love sleeping with you ladies. and i'm glad you can say who you are and what you've done out loud, rach, cause lots of ppl lie to themselves about the decisions they make or the ppl they are. and sure, who we are is always changing, it's just good to keep up with yourself and not leave any parts bottled and shelved. take it easy love, can't wait to have a rocking summer.
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