walking away

gosh, there's so much change spiraling about it's hard to keep up with.

i said a final goodbye today to the person who's occupied my heart for the past two years. i told him i wasn't coming back. he had ani difranco tickets for me and a gift that he made me... and asked me to come back tomorrow or the next day so he could give them to me. and i told him i wasn't coming back. and that he should sell the tickets. not in a mean way... but i just can't take anything from him that will just prolong the whole thing and keep me attached.

he said okay and we said goodbye and just walked away. no hug. just seperation. and then i cried. a lot. infact, i'm crying as we speak.

when we stood there, i swear we looked into eachother's eyes like never before. holding on to whatever last bit of connectedness we could share for however short it would last. i don't know if i saw tears in his eyes or not.. but i saw sadness.

it took a lot to walk away. it certainly wasn't what i wanted to do.. and i'm really not sure if it was right or not.. to just leave without as much as a hug. but at least i told him i was going. and he knows.. he knows how deep my emotions for him run.

the actuality of this all being over hits hard. very hard. but i'll be okay and be up and running soon enough. i'm not going to pretend, however, that i am not broken hearted. i certainly am.


for those of you who know everything and may not understand completely how i ended up where i am, but accept me for my journey... having you here with me is making all the difference.

i've been saying thank you a lot lately.. but i want to say that i love life, and i love that people are compassionate and come together to help bring eachother through. because humanity, with all of it's "flaws", comes through in the end if you believe in it, and participate in it.

make something of today. please.