I'll change in the middle of a city street.

I was sitting in my room, blinds cracked open watching the snow fall, and I had just finished reading the assigned portion of Beloved... naturally, due to the snow and the character "Amy Denver.. of Boston" i got to thinking of Boston.. and college.. and all that it would entail.

I sat looking around my room, soaking in the crazy blue mural painted on my wall, the 34$ thrift store desk that jo kat and jude got me, the art work tacked above it, the clothes and Yoga cards strooned on my floor after I just finished cleaning it, the books piled around my room most of which are half read, my open closet door with an array of colorful clothes I've grown out of and grown into.... and I just thought, I wonder if anyone will ever ask me, "so what were you like in highschool?" and I sat there and thought... what? what would i answer? free? outgoing? careless? passionate? artistic? lazy? inspired? in love? athletic? involved? restrained? generous? hardworking? lost? helpful? introspective? hurt? accompanied?... the list could go on forever....

So I came to the conclusion that the only answer that would fit, and that would remain true would be to say that I was becoming who I am today.

And I realized that no adjective can ever really describe the past. Because the past is no longer truly alive. It is remembered or forgotten or retold or changed. But it is not here, today, living.

The past is simply everything that came together to make the current moment possible. Right now really is all we can account for and describe in it's entirty and wholest truth.

I know that I have changed every day that I have lived.. and that has to be true of everyone. Because life is changing every day.. this world is spinning around and nothing remains the same from one instant to the next.

That bring me some peace of mind... knowing that nothing remains.. it's an unyeilding truth that is both unsettling and exciting... and being certain that there is no way out, no escape from that.. gives you the choice to wallow in the instability or to feed off it.

So I don't need to describe who I am, or who I was, or who I will be. I just need to live and feed off of change... because it is the only constant means in this world.