biting optimisim?

i was talking to my lovely male friend today during lunch.. in and out of different topics and such.. and it was strange, one thing led to another and he ended up saying something along the lines of, "i think your optimisim is so unusually genuine that our pessimistic society doesn't know how to accept you... can't accept you."

it was a "what the fuck?" kind of truth. as in, why is this so true? shouldn't it be the opposite way around?.... but, it's not.

i went to DC today with jodi and danielle and saw the cherry blossoms and magnolia trees and monuments and wonderfulness of our capital. it was good to be there.. i felt like after travelling to all of these amazing places in greece, it was really great to feel connected to my own country.. cause coming home i really felt no pride in being american.. but honestly, the country we live in is so full of liberty and freedom and adaptation.. and everywhere you go in life sheds a different kind of opportunity.. so here, in this country, i have to appreciate what i've got and make the most of it all. there's so much just waiting to be embraced if you're willing to make the effort.

hunter s. thompson: an author i really want to explore.

life? where the hell am i going with you? i have no clue. college? so i got waitlisted to Northeastern for the fall semester, got in for the spring. .but i'm pretty sure i'm going to go there no matter what... which means, what am i going to do during the fall? i don't want to spend 20,000$ going to upitt or towson or wherever just to transfer.. so i'm probably going to end up going to HCC for the fall. (this will be funny to read a few months from now when it's all figured out)

it's just so weird to think about. which is why i don't. i could still get into UMD or Norhteastern for the fall, and if i do, i'll probably end up going... but for now the two schools i want to go to don't want me til the spring!

but the weirdest/hardest part to even imagineee is not being with my closest friends. i mean, i was gone for what, 10 days and i mean, i was having a fricking ball.. but i just kept thinking.. oh, jodi would loveee this, or micayla would go crazy over these guys, or danielle would buy EVERYTHIGN, or kathleen would fall in love with the aura. this is me drifting away from these thoughts before they build....

so what's better... to let the "what if" linger and play the intriuging, innocent game of "we'll never know" forever... or to step out on a limb and let it all happen, setting yourself up for a beautiful demise? because i've been living the former for almost 2 years now, never risking the latter.

well shit, 2 years is a long ass rising action.. but i've never been one to put the book down before i even reach the climax. (that's actually a lie, i start books all the time that i don't finish... but the good ones i always read all the way through.. and the metaphor worked..so yeah)

italianchic311: how much better can life really get? i really hope it gets better and not like... we're old

rairai1012: it won't

rairai1012: life is a constant rising action if you live it that way

italianchic311: and the climax is death?

rairai1012: sure.

italianchic311: i guess i can deal with that.. the falling action was never that interesting anyway

this could be an example of my biting optimism, i suppose. haha.. i love jodi. i mean realllly.

what a day/night it has been. ... i'm lost in a world of unknowns and knowns and findings and escapings and questions and blah blah blahs wearing green skirts to pass the wind, not time.

that made no sense, goodnight lovelies.

disclaimer: i cannot spell. i'm somehow sighing and smiling and worrying and wandering all at once. how do i work with out breaking? haha. who knowsss