yay, i'm back.

i feel better. i found some good solutions for the two big problems. 1-i'm going to pitt next year (unless i hear from northeastern) 2-it's now fella friend's responsibility to be honest with everything.

and jodi reminded me that i'm not crazy, which was vital and necessary to be reminded of.

it's nice to know or believe that eventually i will get used to this mess of a person i am, and i will somewhat settle into myself. but for now, it's nice to know that i'm changing and somewhat manic and somewhat bipolar and very in love with it all. because eventually i will be sitting in the position of my mother or some elder, settled role and i won't be experiencing the kind of dramatic growth that i'm currently experiencing.. so i might as well milk it for what it's worth, right? there's nothing wrong with where i am or what i'm going through.. it's life.

and it's almost funny this situation i'm in. i admire you, mister. and the funny thing is, through all of this long chaotic mess, you really are one person i've accepted and not tried to control. hah. whatcha say about that one?


so i feel a lot better, but still anxious to keep on this journey toward... myself... "self discovery" (yeah, i know, i'm so cliche... too bad i mean it all.) anyway, i'm looking for some concerts/good music/fun adventures this summer.. or now for that matter. take me out.

music trip this weekend.. you know what that means... (imply whatever you want.)

yeah.. it's time for me to read and sleep. and tomorrow, i really want to go running. kick my ass if i don't. i've been a physical bum lately.


and hopfully soon these posts won't consist so much of my crazy emotional mayhem and will go back to more interesting thoughts and experiences. but all that had to be put on hold. my mind was under construction. har har har.

it really is time for me to sleep. ha. night loves.