balanced on the fulcrum of time
carefully counting the ceaseless motion
observing with a certain strangeness
despite our motion, that we are not moving

until suddenly, we disappear
falling into a hole of pristine existence
and anguish and entertaining
twinklings of time

where were we going
without knowing
where we were going?

it seems as though no one knows
as the sun shines over
the newly set bricks

humidity rains at a pace
just missing perceptible
until our skin begins to gather
the weight of the water
from the relentless sky
and like corpulence
we are restrained by our encumbrance

the see saw continues
in oscillation
until we decide
to lift ourselves
to seperate
and find somewhere new
to play.

inquiries i'd appreciate input on

1. what are your views on "gender roles"?
2. can you fully love and fully live as an individual simultaneously?
3. are your answers going to affect mine in any way? (this is a trick question.. muahaha).. still, i'd like to hear some voices other than my own.


so i've discovered facebook. haha.. what a cool connector. (that sounds so lame. ha.. that's alright, i enjoy being fruity)

i'm really excited for school. really fricking excited.

jodi, judy and i met these really interesting fellas from Brown the other night at college perk.. they were doin a road trip from RI to New Orleans, coffee-house-hopping with their original songs guiding the way. (sound like a familiar mission?..yeah, too bad it didn't work out for us.) anyway, one of the two, jeff, kept looking at us in awe as we were talking about whatever "proactive" topic at hand.. and so we finally asked him why he was so amazed with us.. and basically he went into this whole schpeal (is that really a word? is that how it's spelled? no one ever answers my aside-questions) about how he couldn't believe that we were such "go getter" type people, and females.
at the time it didn't anger me at all, and really, it still doesn't.. just because i'm not the angry type.. but looking back, it was sort of ignorant eh, whatever.. at least we gave him something more to muse over. and he was definitely a cool guy. it was actually really good...
anyway, he had some valid marks to make.. he asked us, for example, if because we are such "strong minded individuals" guys were afraid of us.. or intimidated? (the answer was pretty much yes)
but then! ben (the other fella) just kind of smirked and said, "it's not that they're afraid.. it's that they're impressed" (i liked this answer much more)

but i'm wondering now, if it's possible for two people of any sex to be in a relationship with out being in a compitition. i believe it is.. or have hope anyway. i've been in a few of the sort. (friendships and such) they've always be the most meaningful ones. but it's interesting how one person always seems to take the dominate role. is equality in a relationship really attainable? should we even be reaching for it? i think maybe what we should be striving for more than equality, is respect of individuality... even if ones individuality consists of insecurities. that's just who we are. so yeah, i answered my questions to a degree.

what do you think?

concierto de ani

kate and i, and superwoman.




(we had to be covert with our picture taking)

a liberation not many have found

it's late, my eyes are somewhat dragging, but my mind is racing too much for sleep.. despite my 8 am wake up call to serve the spoiled-columbian-too-lazy-to-cook-themselves-a-damn-meal-citizens (some who are interesting, some who tip well, and some who are unfortunately unhappy)

let's just note for the 100th time, ani difranco is superwoman.

now, to the point:

i'm sitting passenger seat next to kate on the way home from the [kick ass] ani concert tonight when it dawned on me (for some nth time) how free we are to ACT. the question then lingers with, if we are so free to act, why are we so static? WHY are we so static? why are we so STATIC? why are we SO static?

broken down, our actions spring from a very logical cycle. (that is, of course, more relative to me than might be to you, since i'm not all-knowing)

first, we are small. we are without answers.
then, we do or don't make the decision that we want to be bigger.
if we decide we do, we fill with endless curiosity.
we ask why, how, for what reason, to whom it's healing or harming, when will these actions have consequences, will they? we long to know SOMETHING. some sort of answer.
and then, we explore. we hunt. we venture forward in search of solutions.
and eventually, we find answers.
and then we grow confident that our answers are beneficial to more than just ourselves.
so finally, we take action.

so where's the problem. easy cycle, right? well there's trouble in every step. the truth is, none of that stuff is ACTUALLY easy. each god damn step has something to trip you up. and it all starts in the beginning.
if we cannot accept that we are currently small, then we can never truly move past that state, free of our egos. (egos are something we should earn) it's like that fight club quote, "maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves"... now maybe we don't have to BREAK, but i mean, i just think humility has to exist before we can develop from a clean slate. are we not humble at birth?
and then what, so we're humble.. and we decide, damn we want some answers! now in chimes the institution, feeding every possible answer they can think up that is so ultimately correct. now, in chimes your fear to question outside of the institution. now in chimes your guilt for thinking outside of the institution. now you're stuck.
okay, so you're over that... or working on it.. and it's time to GO.. to be the huntress! well shit, where are the answers? what are you really searching for? HOW IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU SEARCH? how do you EXPRESS these voyages? how do you explain to all those people who got lost at step one that you've decided to work for the bigger woman than the big man. how do you explain to yourself that you're different?
so you figure it out. you're lewis and you find clark. you build a railroad. or find one that already exists. and you go. you transcend the haze that sits at the steps behind you, and you search.
holy cow, you find an epitome at the top of the hazy mountain and you can almost see a dark chocolate slide that will ride you all the way down on joy and sweetness! BUT what is joy if it is not shared? and how do you share something you're not completely sure will make any sense to anyone. i mean after all, you just spoke in 3 paragraphs of metaphor. "normal" people don't really think that's "cool". but fuck it. you're gonna spread it like butter across potato bread and if they eat it up, good. if not, well you sure do like potato bread and butter.
and now, your voice has been heard.. most likely you've got at least someone who cares to lobby for your cause. and boom. tis time to act.


good lord! THIS is why we are static. this is WHY we are static. this is why we are STATIC. look at how long that damn process was.

nonetheless,

we are free to act, once we free ourselves.

free yourself.


and if these words were jumbled, which i suppose they were.. i hope the message was still clear.

goodnight, loves.

mr. bill and reasons why he is the greatest man alive!

if you don't know the wonderful mr. william timberlake... well, i'll just have to fill you in.. because he is the greatest individual i have ever come across. way too good to miss out on. this blog will consist of many "mr. bill always says"s

i went to lunch with mr bill today to have one of our long missed talks, and the 72 year old man hasn't changed a cent since i met him 3 years ago at Mobil. looking me straight in the eye, gesturing his veiny but stren hands in my direction, mr. bill said, "now, the most important thing in life is to love yourself and do what's best for you! because there's not anybody in this world who's going to be able to love you more than yourself."

mr bill is famous for his wise maxims... and somehow, they always seem to pop up just when i need them in some god-sent fashion. Today mr bill started talking about the past... and how once we move forward, we should never go back... because it only hurts. He used the analogy of a new car.. he said if the time comes and you decide to get rid of the old car you've been driving for years and invest in a new one.. and then something doesn't work out.. you can't pay for it etc.. you still need to find a way to move forward. going back to the old car is like eating regurgitated food. (alright, he didn't say that, but that's what i made of it)

the irony of the situation is that today as i was driving home from a meeting for work (before lunch), i decided to turn left and drive past Atholton. i ended up pulling into the empty junior parking lot and sitting in park in front of the school i spent the past four years of my life in. i began reminising over all of the memories, growth, laughs, pain, challenge, fun i've experienced in that school. and then i just cried. haha. i hadn't been emotional about leaving high school once until today. when i sat there. and i realized how much that place has meant to me and that i'm really moving on.
i took a deep breath, put the car in drive, and went home.

i don't intend on never going back.. i mean, i'll watch a soccer game.. or bball game or musical or what have you.. but man, it was just really good to hear mr bill say that. once you go... you've gotta keep going. it's so easy to look back and feel nostalgic. about anything.. an old place, and old friend, an old love, an old feeling.. i mean, it's more natural to do that than to just go and go and go... but it's so important not to get lost in the past, but to move forward with every new day.


mr bill also consistantly talks to me about finding "the right kind of man".. haha, he always says to me... don't give away your love until the man has worked for it. it's funny, because i don't want to make "my love" some kind of task to work for... but the truth is, i really do have standards, and i really am concerned with someone wanting to be in a functional relationship. mr bill always says, "now.. the three most important things in a relationship are trust, communication, and walking hand in hand. it's continually working for one another so that when the time comes and you're older and someone's health starts to go, you'll always have those things you started with to fall back on." granted, i'm not planning on getting married any time soon.. at all.. but i don't really intend on being in a kind of half-assed relationship either. (which is why i'm just never in them)

anyway, i wish everyone could sit down and have mr. bill talk to them with his veiny hands pointing sternly and his old gaze looking them in the eye.. but since there's only one of him and however many billion of us.. hopfully, something can be taken from this blog.

leaving you with some mr bill maxims: (imagine a 5'6'' 72 yr old man with a sist on the side of his face and a funny souther drawl saying these with a sterm but friendly smile)

"every day's a good day... because i make it one!"
"ahhh... i'm the best!"
"my pops always said that if he found out from anyone in town that i had done something bad, instead of from me, that i'd be more sorry than moonshine. i always ran to him and told him whenever i got my hands into trouble!"
"when god does something that i'm not happy about, i go out onto the middle of the football field at night, raise my arms, and let him hear it!"
"life's not worth arguing over. when people try to argue with me, i just say, 'okay! you're right!' and walk away"
"respect everyone. you never know when you'll be where they are."
"when the man treats the woman like a queen, the woman will give the man the best sex he's ever had." (yes, it gets sort of awkward when mr. bill talks to me about sex. hahaha
"BE WHO YOU ARE, and don't let anyone tell you what's best for you."


"it's time to walk out into the world and show them the wonderful person that you are"

(you heard the man, go on now! show em!)

strange change

(i only sort of intended for that to rhyme.)

what an odd feeling and strange happening.. when someone who used to be such a large part of your life becomes a near stranger.. and all the while, they remain understood by you in every way. they're just no longer... there.


it's not so weird that it happens...that our lives move on and change and we've got no good choice but to keep on going.. i guess it can just be uncomfortable when you still care. and it only leaves me to wonder if all of life works that way on a relative scale. it seems to me that it does.

"everything good needs replacing"... i can't remember what that's from. feel free to chime in if you know.

if we were able to manifest all of the experiences of our "pasts" without focusing so much on the idea that they no longer exist, we wouldn't be left with longing hearts... but rather, hearts full of so much life.


nevertheless, changes like these certainly affect the mind.

a heart warming observation.

Our world, with it's great masses of individuals, carries on so incessantly that sometimes we almost neglect to appreciate the monumental affects that we so easily have on one another by our mere existence. Someone's always watching, observing, forming a connection between themselves and you. Yes, us people, we get lost sometimes in ourselves... and in the mean time, we miss all of the people who are getting lost in us as well. But it's a cylce for sure, with no real beginning or end, and at the most beautiful and rare moments, we catch ourselves catching others eyes on us, and we realize how dear we are to one another and what a touching trap of unity we are in.


i'm listening to this compilation CD of "Baltimore Songwriters" just thinking how these people have absolutely no clue (or maybe a small clue) who/how many people might listen to their words, songs, hearts... and be affected. And they're just making music because it's IN them. They're just expressing what needs to get out. And it's having a beautiful affect on me. So yeah.. to all of you artists out there... keep it up. In fact, to all of you people who are just being you... keep it up. Keep up the good things you do. They affect people in such wonderful and positive ways.
Because we ARE in a trap of unity. And it really is touching.

a home of three
split in the tide of time
tearing apart at every end
but living in so much spirit and warmth

so many miles now in distance from piece to piece
but only instants apart
by the measure of the wind
and the calling of the clouds
and the dance of the birds over waters

only in a place
where insecurity overwhelms the heart
does distance measure closeness

with every bead of air
that hits the face of changes
comes a bead of simplicity
acknowledging and overriding fear

just another home in store
along another river
where the tide flows
despite the time
and where warmth lives
no matter the temperature

in life, an infinite home
the earth to the heart
the heart to the body
the body to the water
the water to the tide

and we float on
in all directions


-a poem written on the way home from [kick ass] white water rafting.


today has been long and wonderful. 5 am wake up call and 9 am arrival to PA/the yaugheihney river and 10 am boat departure and 5 pm boat return and i can't really remember the rest...

so tomorrow there's this big art festival deal in baltimore and i think i might do that instead of art day with grandma. i mean really, she'd understand. haha.. then james taylor concert tomorrow night.... which i still have to buy a ticket for. hmm.

anyway, tonight on the way home jodi and i got into a discussion about god and religion and "spirituality" (continued from the wednesday night college perk cult talk)... and i will definitely post with the message tomorrow or sometime when i'm not so wiped out. (WIPED OUT ;) get it.. white water rafting..hahaaa)... yeah. i'm sleepy if you can't tell. what else? hmm. no clue. too currently dazed. mountains are fricking beautiful. i love them. that's all

goodnight. i hope you enjoy the poem.

also, slaughter-house-five is a really awesome book.

so yeah, i spelled habit wrong. haha

pictures of these crazy people..

breaking habbits

Your inclinations and habitual behaviors are leading you to do what?

Sometimes, we are led by habbit to exactly the place we want to be in because our habbits have positive results. (You feel inclined to compliment those who deserve it, and it brings you joy to make someone else feel their worth.) Other times, we are led by habbit to exactly the place we're used to being in, but really don't enjoy. (You feel inclined to mock or pick at those who are easy targets to suffice your insecurities, but it only worsens your respect for yourself.) There are tons of examples as to how our habbits make or break us... and it's up to us if we're going to let the habbits that break us live, or if we're going to strive off of our positive inclinations.

It had been my habbit for years (and still is to a degree) to be involved in my parents dysfunctional marriage and feel responsible for their happiness. The gravity of the situation only recently dawned on me, and the idea that it was habitual was even newer. Upon really realizing my circumstances, well first.. I cried. Then once tucked away some of my overflowing emotions, I realized that it was a decision I would have to make to either continue feeling hurt and unhappy with every argument that I allowed myself to take part in (even if it meant as much as just listening and thinking up resposes to their arguments with one another), or to really and truly uninvolve and uninvest myself in something that was ultimately having a negative effect on my well being. Well, I'm still at that stage where I'm choosing to break my detrimental habbit (because it is a process), but just knowing that I'm moving along has made such a large difference.

It seems as though the process is as follows: First, realize your habbit. Second, realize the negative effects it's having on your life, your soul, and your morality. Third, want to disconnect from that negativity. Last... well, I'm thinking, impliment your strenghts in areas that can offer positive results forming new and fulfilling habbits, and leave behind those habbits that were essentially keeping you chained to negativity.

It's been hard to break away when I live in a house with my parents and being around them is so constant... which is part of the reason why for a long time i was just dying to move out of my house (i still feel this way, on certain days more than others)... but i think what's important is that I know I need to not only free myself from the habbits I've formed on the surface with my parents, but free myself from all of the detriments I picked up along the way; ie thinking love is unattainable, thinking I am incapable of being in a happy relationship because I'm so used to one that fails, thinking that I am destined to give up on the people I do love because that has been my surroundings.

I feel good about breaking these habbits, because I know they're for the best. (the third step..wanting to disconnect). And I'm finding ways to do so.


I just really think it's important for us as people to step back and evaluate our habbits... because if we don't, some day we might find ourselves so far tangled in a mess of unfulfilling rituals that we lose those sparks that reside within each of us to do good things!

so yeah, what habbit do you want to break? ...what habbit do you want to develope more?

hungry for adventure...

...and being fed!!

what a beautiful trip this will be. jodi, mike and i are looking for a fourth party to come along for the ride. if you're interested let me know!! we leave tomorrow morning butt early, and i can promise this will be a trip you won't forget. :).
... expected spending won't be more than 300$.... probably closer to 200$...

that's all. here are some pictures of the mirrors we're trying to sell. haha...







kathleen did the orange and blue one, jodi did the really colorful one, and i did the black and blue ones.

with that, i'm off to paint another.. one with more color.. lol. have a great day! and leave one if you wanna come along for the trip!!

PEACE

calling all southerners!

drum roll please....

jodi and i are heading to the dirty ole' south from the 20th to the 23rd! where exactly? north carolina with a possible detour to atlanta, georgia! we're leaving wednesday morning around 6am and starting our journey to Charlotte, NC. (7.5 hr drive) we're thinking we'll hang around for the afternoon.. check out the "smelly cat coffeehouse" and the North Davidson Arts District (NODA).. if there's much to offer we'll hang around for the night and find a cheap hotel... if not, we'll head west to the beautyland of Asheville, NC. (2.5 hrs from charlotte to asheville) we've been researching online and have found TONS of awesome adventures and beautiful NON EXPENSIVE places to get lost in amidst Asheville... BUT, if all else fails and we find the urge to continue on the road, Atlanta, GA is an easy 2.5 hrs away with endless awesome routes to persue.

BASICALLY, i'm posting all this because if you happen to come across this blog and you're from the area of exploration... feel free to leave a comment of recommendation to any cool, artsy, musical, friendly, eclectic environment you may know of.

what ARE we trying to gain from this trip? well, after 300$ or so we're planning on spending for 4 days on the road, it'd be cool to make a buck or two back. how? jodi and i are on a mission to create purchasable art, (small painted mirror frames, painted picture frames, original photography greeting cards, jodi's kick ass cd)... and we're going to carry around our newly found (from the depths of my basement) vintage olive-green suitcase, with a sign on the inside for when it's open that will read, "BUY CHEAP ART TO SUPPORT MEANINGFUL ADVENTURES!"

haha.. who knows if we'll make any profit.. but it'll be fun, and it's worth a shot, ey? could pay for lunch a day or two.. haha.

but yeah... i suppose the main purpose of our journey will be to endulge in cool conversation, meet interesting people, and have a grand old time exploring the many museums and different theatres and coffee houses of the south.
we've found a few open mic nights for jodi to play at and we'll probably just talk about our little adventure we're on.. and try to advertise our art. haha...


anyway, basically i'm excited as anything.. and trying to spend all of my spare time creating art to sell.


suggestions, comments, and encouragement are welcome by all means! or you know, if you wanna tag along... there's space! (and the hotels would be cheaper! haha)

i'll post some pictures of the mirror frame when i'm done. peace, loves.

finally, the guitar gets the attention it deserves!


kathleen and i at the perk

i love you, ani d

born a lion
-ani difranco

i'm not hurting anyone
i'm just telling my truth
and if there
if there is something wrong
then maybe
there's something wrong with you
what's the big deal
get over it
relax
just 'cause i do up in your face
what other people do behind your back
why we all gotta look
gotta act the same
i say
if you're born a lion
don't bother trying to act tame
everything i do
i do for the first time
i got a big crush on you
and it's crushing my mind
can i follow you home
and listen to you think
leave my lip prints on your cups
leave my hairs in your sink
they think i'm out there
out there living on the fringe
well
this is my world
and i invited them in
they should try living
by my rules for a day
nobody would die
there'd be lots of stuff to say
i'm not hurting anyone
no i'm not hurting anyone

flipping bills

i wrote this poem a few days before i left for boston in college perk:


flipping bills
paying the runner of the mill
to play my fill of expression for the evening
a penny for a chord
then a nickle for one more
just to afford a way through the madness

sometimes we mistake dis-ease for sadness
uncomfortable are we?
with gladness

i'm thankful to feel at all
to question what calls me
and where i beckon
.. i don't really reckon i'll get there without paying a buck
but a certain side of me
drives me
to test my luck

driving up hill, north to where i free myself from this brick built house

sometimes the mouse
gets snapped by the trap
and sometimes
it just doesn't fall for it

sometimes life calls for running on no gas
and passing
the limits
that kill

we need to find our fill
flipping bills
driving up hill
fighting, even still before we've fallen

the music stops
and you could hear a pin drop
or god forbid a heart beat

they say,
"i can write whatever i please
just please don't test me too much"

FUCK.
we must test ourselves
or we're selling ourselves short

every "could" or "would" or "should"
is another passive voice

sorry, but i must pass on the choice
to avoid
life
with every ugly angle and degree
that it entails for me

oh the beauty of proactivity!

i just want to note for the record that since i got home from boston i've been feeling a butt load better than before i left. thank you mom for initiating some pro-activity in me.

last night was fun... jodi, kathleen and i all sat around my kitchen table with our wonderful mothers drinking coffee and eating sweets... talking, laughing, sheding a few tears, recounting and telling great stories... etc... it was wonderful. jodi's mom was talking about the myers briggs personality typing for a little bit and eventually got to the catagory of "perceiving vs. judging". "judgers" are much more concerned with actually FINISHING what they start... organizing themselves in a fashion that will lead them to getting things DONE. "percievers" on the ohter hand, begin projects or tasks or sentences for that matter, and don't always finish them... becasue the energey gets lost somewhere along the way and assigned to a NEW project that will soon be dropped in the same mannor (unless, of course, the project is of high interest to that "perceiver") so anyway.. i was just thinking about myself, looking around my room at all of my unfinished projects (i'm a super "perceiver") and just thought... you know, i love that i don't have to plan everything out and that i get distracted and i'm very spontaneous.. but at the same time, i want to make sure that as i get older, i don't let that spontaneity (sp) get off track and receed into a static laziness. i hope that i continue to find new interests constantly and the urge to explore varrying tasks.

it's easy to fall into a rut and not know how to get yourself out of it.. espcially if you innately follow the path of whatever mood you happpen to be in. i mean, HOW do you get out of a bad place if you can't essentially schedule yourself out of it?... by being PROACTIVE! by taking actual physcial steps toward the root of the problem, toward confrontation, and toward DEALING. my trip to boston was proactive because i got to face and explore new solutions for what was dragging me down: my dred of what next year would be like.

sometimes it's as much as writing a list of everything that's actually bothering you. and then writing a list of ways to aide those troubles. i think the key to getting out of a rut is to really face what's causing the rut. from there, answers are much easier.

with that said.. my dad's going to buy a mini coup in towson.. (sweet, hand me down car).. and the dealership just so happens to be right tear TU. so yeah, i'm going with him to visit the campus that i've never seen of the university i'm going to in the fall.


happy trails. <3


(kathleen and i went bike riding today for an hour or so... it was awesome. i love you kathleen)

if you're still reading.

a silent tear
sitting a far
sighing
crying
knowing
that speaking
would be
breaking
all the rules
that i formed
to save myself
to heal my
hurting
to ease the
longing

a silent scream
of pain
and loss
and sadness
knowing
that the love
we try
to kill
does not die
love
only dies
when it loses
life

a living dream
that haunts
my sleep
the only place
i still see
you gazing
from a far
at me

so far now
from the dream
we lived
dreamers, though
always dream

a quick close
of the eyes
for a moment
i return
my heart opens
and then my eyes
and then
we finally die

but all it takes
is a quick shut eye
and there
we are
alive

i cry.

an inspiring story from "the journey"

http://www.thejourneyfilm.com/journeyfilm/characters_06.htm

this is definitely worth the read... and the whole website/documentary is worth checking out.


embrace the beauty of the day! -love

what are you struggling with?

so jodi and i watched this documentay/movie called "the journey" the other night and a theme that remained as this man and his crew drove across country trying to mend the gap between genereations was "what are you struggling with?" they interviewed tons of people; old, young, famous, successful... and got an assortment of different answers.. but the important lesson was that everyone struggles.. and a lot of our struggles can be related universally if we are willing to hear them from one another. if we're willing to be open and compassionate to one another, rather than judgemental. if we want to listen and offer help, rather than give a cold sholder or a look of pity. so that's something i think is very important, and something that i'm working on.

well lately, as you may know, i've been struggling a lot. with college, with friends, with family, with work, with all of the change that's about to undergo.. and that already has due to such large anticipations.

it's easy for me to want to defend myself as a person.. to want to say, "this is who i've BECOME from all of my PAST and i would like acknowledgement for that.... and that's all".. but the problem is, that can't be all. new problems are always arising. new situations that call for new solutions.. and i'm learning that if i try to solve new problems with the same old solutions, then i end up attaching an old problem to a new one, making for a much larger mess. i end up pulling my past into my present. and i can't do that anymore. so i'm struggling very much with that.
i'm also struggling with not wanting to admit my feelings that are hard. such as, "i'll miss you very much and that hurts", but when i try to supress that for whatever reason, backhanded negativity sort of seeps out from within me towards the very people who i love and will miss the most. (sorry jo)
i've been struggling with wanting to control my future rather than enjoy my present. trying to make decisions about northeastern and towson and how i'm GOING to feel and adjust before i even get there... or even connect myself to either school at all.

i've been struggling with a lot... and just talkign about it all has helped me to get through these things. just being more open and honest with MYSELF about what i'm really struggling with has sort of presented easier solutions on its own. i've got a ways to go... but i feel a lot better.


on the way home from boston, i asked my dad, "what are you struggling with?"
he said, "that i busted my knee and now i can't practice my golf swing"
i kept asking him, and just sitting there quietly hoping for a response (this is what the guy in the movie did when people gave him silly answers) and eventually he said he was struggling with the well being, happiness and success of his children.


what are you struggling with?

independence day!

alright, i'll back track for a moment... this 4th of july i felt a strange pride in being "American". not in our government or in our current world relations necessarily... but in our great diversity and opportunity and freedom. i remember walking towards the lake, looking around at all of the assorted nationalities of people, and just smiling. it was just a good feeling and a good moment to see so many different backgrounds celebrating the united states. i think there's a lot i take for granted about being an american... or a lot i don't really understand/am out of touch with.. so yeah, i want to explore that.
PLUS, who better to share blanket space with than kat jo and the males of the happy house of love?? haha.. it was a great night overall, and i was sad to cut it short. (i was departing for boston at 3a.m. the next day.) here are some pics to recap the eve.

jodi and i on the blanket... and who's that in the back??




OOH it was kathleen ;)

home

here i am. good ole columbia, MD. waitresses smile and greet. southern food isn't unusual, it's not even coined. it's not 65 degrees during the summer. the dog barks. and i turn up a tree-lined street to get to my brown brick, black shutter house.

the trip to boston was successful. i'm not going there in the fall. i'd basically just be disconnected from students and probably lonely. but i do still want to go to northeastern in the spring, and i needed to be there to just feel more comfortable about things. my parents didn't bite eachothers heads off. that was good.


for some reason i don't want to sit and debreif and analyze my life right now. so i'm not going to. just keeping things updated sort of.

i heard a song on the radio as we were driving through New Jersey that mister wonderful had put on a cd for me and ever since then i've been in a weird/gloomy mood. at some point he will stop affecting me. i'm just not sure when. relationships are hard. espcially when they end.

boston really is beautiful. i'll be at towson for the fall (i think). maryland is very beautiful too. very beautiful.


i want to go to a waterfall on saturday. leave a comment if you want to come. otherwise it'll just be me jo and kat. haha. (they don't know this yet)


leave good news.
fondly-